I am not there is a reflection on grief, memory, and transformation. Inspired by the Tibetan Book of the Dead (Bardo Thodol) and the composer’s time with her father in the hospital, the piece explores the duality of beauty and pain, light and darkness, tradition and raw emotion.

This piece was commissioned for the second edition of Music for Empty Spaces, and was premiered at the Muziekgebouw aan ‘t IJ in Amsterdam on March 28th, 2024. The piece was written for Elisabeth Hetherington.